Outnumbered

It’s a typically unpredictable day in the rollercoaster of life with small children. Three small children in fact – a regal five-year-old girl with a talent for interrogation and an interest in nits, a seven-year-old boy who could out-fib Jeffrey Archer, and an eleven-year-old who is gearing up for his scary first day at secondary school. Mom and Dad go on as they always do – attempting to raise their kids with the minimum amount of emotional damage for all concerned.

The celebration of parental incompetence continues, with the problems piling up for Mom and Dad. Their little girl is outwitting them in the endless negotiations about what she will condescend to eat, and seven-year-old Ben is further developing his extraordinary talent for lying. In addition, Dad has strayed into a job-threatening controversy at school, while Mom is starting a turf war with her sister.

Stuck on the A3 highway, Mom tries to keep the peace in a car containing a new-age Auntie, a bewildered Grandfather, three fractious kids and several full bladders. Meanwhile, Dad is waiting outside the Headmaster’s office, after an ill-judged joke involving obesity and Ramadan. Later at the urban Farm, discussions about death, heaven, racism, bird flu and granddad lead to raised tempers, which boil over in the living hell that is a gift shop. As a hectic day draws to an end, Mom and Dad look fondly at their sleeping kids in the back of the car and have a brief moment of contentment – until they notice that Ben’s acquired a new friend.

Ben's fibbing goes to a whole new level as parents at a school football match begin to compliment dad on his friendship with Gordon Brown and his SAS training. Later, a romantic night in for mum and dad doesn't quite go to plan, as Karen has a friend round whose mum is over an hour late picking her up. When she does finally arrive, she insists on pouring her heart out over a very long cup of tea. As their romantic evening recedes into the distance, Jake raises fears about his friend's parents' divorce, and calls from his form teacher bring more alarming news.

Ben’s on the case again – this time he’s got a mystery illness and is far too ill to go to school, he says. Auntie Angela’s been dumped by her boyfriend, so the family rally round to cheer her up in the best way they know how, sparking off a jolly discussion about Nazis and rat bags… Meanwhile, Dad’s little problem at the school is becoming public knowledge and he begins to wonder if he might be out of a job. But Mom of course, is safe in her job. Or is she?

Five-year-old Karen decides she's had enough of mum's nagging and announces that she's leaving home to go to Spain, or possibly Greenland. Meanwhile, preparations are in full swing for a dinner party, and dad agrees to let Ben crack some eggs – which is a huge mistake. As the guests arrive, Ben gets his first taste of gin and mum gets some unwelcome news from Angela. The drink soon loosens some tongues, and things are said that can never be taken back. The dinner party becomes a disaster zone, and, this time, the parents can't blame any of it on the kids.