Call Me Fitz

Richard “Fitz” Fitzpatrick, sociopath/scumbag extraordinaire and top salesman of pre-owned automobiles for 9 years running, hits rock bottom when he crashes a GT on a test drive, puts a woman in a coma, and wakes up to find he’s grown a conscience – a living/breathing hanger-on named Larry, who joins Fitzpatrick Motors as a do-gooder salesman, and threatens to not only set Fitz straight, but undercut his run for a 10th straight “Fibbie” award…

Refusing to accept Larry into his life, Fitz hires Josh to “take care” of him. But when Josh’s failed hit results in yet another sale for Larry, Fitz’s only option is to try and prove Larry’s a crazy person. After all, he claims to be his conscience. Meanwhile, Larry has begun purging Fitz of all his evils. And he starts with the drugs and alcohol. But by the time Larry rallies the Fitzpatrick family for an intervention, Fitz decides to take whacking matters into his own hands, only to end up in psychiatric treatment himself.

When Fitz discovers Ken is leaving Fitzpatrick Motors to Larry, he needs to prove Larry is NOT his long-lost, responsible brother. And the only way to do it is a quick visit to his absentee, alcoholic mother Elaine. Meanwhile, Josh catches demented Junior Survivalist Kara snooping around Fitz’s office as she builds her now growing attempted vehicular manslaughter case. But Kara blackmails Josh with a cell phone photo of the two of them in a compromising position. When Fitz arrives to confront his Mom about her sordid past, she’s in the midst of her weekly key party. Instead of getting the closure he wants on his maternal relationship, Fitz decides to steal her prized El Dorado.

Fitz quickly unloads Elaine’s El Dorado in hopes of putting their broken relationship behind him for good. But Larry is convinced it was a desperate plea to get her back in his life. Unfortunately for Fitz, that’s exactly what happens. Meanwhile, Meghan learns her husband left her weeks ago, she was just too self-involved to notice. After manipulating Larry into a family reunion, Elaine gets Fitz on board to scam the Ruptals – their oldest family tradition – and get the El Dorado back. But its all part of a Long Con Elaine concocts to finalize her divorce and steal all of Fitz’s liquid assets.

When Larry and Meghan buy Ken a birthday present, Fitz scrambles to come up with his own gift to blow Meghan’s out of the water. But the only thing they have in common is cars and porn. So Fitz shoots a car-themed porn with Ken’s favourite classic porn star Candy Box. But she’s a little older than Fitz remembered. When her kids show up, her back goes out, and Ken arrives to ruin the surprise, Fitz agrees to star in the porn with Sonja in hopes of selling it for a profit – the only thing Ken really cares about. But when Fitz can’t get it up, Larry is ecstatic that he can’t bring himself to exploit a coworker. Embarrassed, Fitz fights Larry – their naked wrestling video becomes a viral sensation.

Fitz tries to distract Larry by hooking him up with a drunk chick, only to end up sleeping with Janet, the drunkest of them all. But the next morning Fitz discovers Janet wasn’t drunk, she’s brain damaged. Larry thinks this is a perfect way to teach Fitz about love and devotion. Fitz is okay with it; brain damaged sex ROCKS! Meghan meanwhile tries to get back on the dating horse. When she mistakes an attempted purse snatching for a come-on, she takes her mugger hostage at a motel. Ali now has a real case against Fitz - her comatose mother has developed a communication technique with her finger twitches. When Fitz flirts with Ali, Janet gets so worked up with jealousy, she knocks herself out. Fitz thinks quick and tries to set Larry up as her perverted kidnapper by taking them to the motel. But when Meghan’s mugger escapes and pulls a gun on Janet. Larry takes him out with a rubber fist dildo, and ends up the hero once again.