Kate Gladfelter

When Bill announces that he wants to adopt a baby, no one can believe it. And while Dave and Lisa try to explain just how hard it is to be a single parent, Bill is determined to follow through with the adoption regardless of the sacrifices. Meanwhile, Beth agrees to pose as a wealthy duchess in order to make the winning bid for Jimmy at a charity bachelor auction. As Joe helps Beth rehearse for her role as the Duchess of Greater North Chesterborough, Dave and Lisa arrange a field trip to a nearby playground to watch real parents in action. After watching Bill help comfort a crying child, Dave reconsiders his opinion of him as a father. However, Lisa wonders if he can provide the same highly structured upbringing her parents gave her. Meanwhile, Beth tells everyone at the auction that Joe is her homosexual escort. While at the adoption agency, Dave and Lisa argue over the merits of their respective childhoods while Bill passes the time talking to a couple who are there to adopt. But when Bill learns that it's only the beginning of a process that could take another five years before he gets a child, he's tempted to steal the other couple's baby. Finally, after Beth sneaks off with a wealthy patron's limousine driver, Joe scares away any potential bidders with an offer of $15,000 for Jimmy, reinforcing the belief that he's gay.

Drew is shocked when his obituary appears in the newspaper. He learns that Mimi is responsible; his doctor sent a death certificate to Steve when Drew was in the coma, and Mimi retrieved it from the mail. Her actions trigger a ""doomsday"" prank that Drew had arranged in the event of his early death. She gets handcuffed to a chair and has to watch half-naked fat men dance around. Mimi sends the death certificate out and has Drew's credit cards and bank accounts cancelled. Drew becomes depressed over his brief and unspectacular obituary. Lewis and Oswald reveal that they took out a life insurance policy on Drew in high school, and have received a large claim. Drew points out that they are breaking the law. They promise to return the money after he is declared alive, but will spend the profit they made betting it on the horses. Wick is able to take time off as a ""bereaved spouse"" and go to Hawaii. Drew fears that he has wasted his life, as he seems to be helping more people throu